Thursday, July 07, 2005

*problems with the weather*

haiz...had a big arguement with khai dis morning..almost broke up.... all bcos of him trying to avoid quarrels and covering upthe truth... [see wat happens when u lie kiddies...]

bcos of the misunderstanding we had last nite...i msged him tellin him no need to call me cos we'll jus start argueing again...den i msged again sayin i was sorry and that it was indeed my fault...n i told him to call me as per normal...but he din..

so before goin to skool, i called him to ask why din he call...he said cos i told not to...then i said i msgd him to call me...then he said that he din read it...then he was in such a hurry to hang up....so i asked him y doesnt he wane talk to me...then he said that I was in a hurry to go to skool so jus call him durin break time...so i said FINE!

so then i msg him sayin that if he doesnt want to talk then jus say so...so that i dun have to hear his voice in that irritating tone...then i said that i'm tired of being blamed. n i'm tired of all these stupid quarrels.. n i'm tired of being blamed for everythin...so i said to him that we should jus end it now....

den he started sayin that it was bcos he was bz wit work so that's why he had to hang up...then i said "why din u jus say so??" he said that he thot that by coverin-up we cld avoid a quarel...den i said to him that hiding things isnt gonna make it better...hiding things won mean no quarrels!

den he finally realized his mistake...

haiz....but i really did feel like jus ending it there n then...it was jus too much...he actually thot by "covering up" we would avoid arguements... but in d end...wat he used as a cover up ended up hurting me more and did result in a quarrel..

haiz....jus bcos of that...i wanted to break off everythin...

3:52 pm


*frustration n guilt*

haiz...it's all my fault...all i ever do is piss him off...but sometimes he gets things wrong....n in actual fact...i DO have the right to get mad.... it's not FAIR!!

i don let off all my steam on him....i dun getmad at him bcos i;m mad at someone else... i may seem like i am...but i'm not.. i promise... i hate it.... sometimes i tink that we shld jus end it cos i feel like with my background...he deserves someone better....someone who doesnt came wit a whole lot of baggage..

"i pity u.."
"why?"
"cos u got a girl with so much problems..."
"....."
"why are u quiet?"
"jus...i dunno wat to say..."
"jus say sumthin.."
"i knew all this wen i was gettin to know u...and so i was prepared..."

how sweet can he be? he's really understandin...cant wait for 2007 [insya'Allah]...

i love him to bits...

2:39 am


*boredness*

i cant sleep....

so i went blog hoppin..actually i went to check out dis girls blog [aishah] cos she tagd me n i hv no clue hu she is...[sorry] then i saw a link to a girl named "ima"s blog..n i tot it was sumone i knew...but she wasnt...then i saw in d pic there, that there was someone whom which i indeed noe...n that is jalilah... so i went to her blog...read...tried to tag...but it din seem to appear...sob.. so if aishah u are readin my blog..cld u pls tell her i'm a readin her blog n wantg to tag but cnt..?

wen reading her blog...n lookin at her n the imah tt i noe... kind miss d old days... never really understood why we ever fell out in the first place...it all seems to be a blur...really wish to catch up...i aint the bitch u think i became...i'm still d same...like d girl u knew..d person whom walked with u to bb interchange n waited for d bus together...i'm sorri if i treated u diff in sec skool... i admit i must've been a real farkin bitch ryte? sorry... dunno wat came over me.. but now lookin back..i miss all the laughter...it goes d same with imah.... although she may have been irritatin..[sorry] but i guess it was all me...sorry girls...ur friendship was wat kept me goin... n though we had our differences... it was all jus a phase i guess.... suddenly it's all comin back to me...

i never meant to let u feel like i forgot u...i was jus preoccupied wit someone else.... and i guess the way u reacted shocked me quite abit.. n i din like it much...but now..i guess i understand how u felt...cos i jus went thru it myself...i'm sorry for treatin u like crap...even after all the things we did...all the dumbness... i'm honestly..from the bottom of my fat ass....sorry.... hope to be in touch soon....

yours truly..
a lost friend

2:26 am


Tuesday, July 05, 2005

*untitled*

after reading my previous entry again, i realised i may have sent out the wrong message...

i din mean for it too sound like i'm angry or upset or am feeling used...i was jus disappointed..not jus wit u but wit myself... i dun mean to hurt u... and i ain't like anYother person... i'm jus trying to help... which i noe makes u feel like u're being controlled...but that's not my intention....

i'm sorry if i've upset u....i jus had to say wat i said... i wld feel really bad if i din... hope u dun get me wrong....

11:19 pm


*old habits die hard n new ones stay for life*

i have run out of strength n energy..i can no longer be the one helping others..espeacially if they wont help themselves..

i'm utterly disappointed with a very close friend of mine...despite me trying to help her..she doesnt seem to take me seriously...this has left me in a state of disappointment and hurt.. but ive come to see the light and now i noe where i stand..i am merely a friend..a listening ear...but i shall not be the advisor...the protector...or even the lifesaver anymore... i shall jus be there wen i'm needed...jus like how i always am... [call me oni wen u need me..]

it's sad how i have to see someone do something so wrong and not be able to di anything...to that person...it's jus a cheap thrill...little does this person noe that all it takes is jus once...

it's not like smoking...

it's not like sex....

i'm sorry if u feel like i'm being a nag... i'm jus concerned.. i care for u more than u noe... u're not jus a friend... u're like a sister i wish i had... but like i said...i shall not tell you how to lead ur life... it is UR life anyway... but i'll always be here to hear u out...or jus to chat... [ sorry if i was cold before..i was still upset...]

peace out...

12:09 am