...:: ditto. ::...
told you it would be negative.
ok, so i guess i'm acting like a miss-know-it-all. what to do. i'm like that.
kinda pissed though. nyeh. who cares rite?
so i guess this is the end. sad really. thought she was alrite. a nice kid sister that i wish i had wen i was growing up. no wonder God didn't give me a younger sister. i'd most probably strangle her and gore at her eyesballs and rip them out! heh. haiz. i guess now i know what they mean when they say that people only ever nag at you cos they see you doing what they did when they were younger and you don't want them to repeat the same mistakes again. DITTO.
u know what really bites though. and this is in general and NOT aimed at anyone intentionally. i hate it when people don't appreciate their life and feel that their life sucks. then when you ask them why they feel that way. they tell you the dumbest things and it makes them look self-centred and full of themself. like, how bad can it be living in a mansion with parents that DO care and being able to have dinner with their whole family every night and hang out?? the oni reason they feel like they'd rather die than be in their selfish family is because their dad decided that they didn't need that other car. boo-bloody-hoo.
ok...i know... here i go again being miss-know-it-all.
from now on... i shan't care anymore. that should be my new year's resolution.
"Don't care about people who don't want to be cared for!" that would indeed make my life a whole lot better. someone tells me they want to kill themself, i say "go ahead! you won't listen if i tell you don't do it anyway." and if someone asks me for advice, well sorry but the counselor is off for the year. i guess i just realized that there's no point in caring for anyone other than yourself and only for people who let you care. yeap. now you have to ask permission to care. heh. who would've guessed?!
haiz.i knew i shouldn't have retired from being a bitch. heh. being a bitch was so much more easier. you don't care if people liked you or hated you. you don't give a daym if ur friend tells you she's going to cut herself with a butcher's knife because she's said it a thousand times and no matter how many times you tell her it's not worth it, she ends up in KK the next morning. woopDee-BLOODY-doo!
i've not shown my other side to some people. i guess that's why they think i'm a pushover. i'm very blunt. and i'm sharp at the same time. if i was nice to you before, you should've been grateful cos when i become a bitch there's no turning back. i hate hypocrites. no. i DESPISE hypocrites. and if you're one of them, don't expect me to be nice to you. i hate, and therefore i SHAN'T be.
i tried to be rational. i thought that by sharing my crappy life with people it would let them see that they should be gratefull and appreciate their so called "sad pathetic reason for living". i guess people will only take advice from people who experienced near death or went to jail or did actually do something "bad".
i guess some people just feel that the whole world revolves around them.
oh and daya. thanks. my bf and i are grateful for your best wishes. i thought i could help. my wasted effort yet again. but then, i didn't really help did i? take care yourself. no one else will.
8:57 pm
...:: to blog, or NOT to blog? ::...
i was contemplating on whether to blog or not.
dunno if the message put across would be taken positively or negatively.
i'm guessing negative.
you?
anyway, on with the post.
the black sheep. every family has one. and in my family, i'm the lucky member to be the blackest of them all [besides the fact that i AM the darkest]. i was the only member [in this household that is] to have been admitted to a neighbourhood secondary school. i was also the only one to have managed to FAIL most of the subjects i took in secondary school. i was the only one who had to have my parents come down to meet my teachers to discuss my constant daydreaming and bad copying of homework and of the "never failing to FORGET to bring my books to school". heh. but i managed to at least pass my o's and get into a pre-u. after which i decided that after 8 months of studying geography and a maths, i wanted to be in the ARTS. so i signed up for Lasalle, but never went for the interviews. i got accepted into Ngee Ann, but failed after ONE semester. well, that was because i was working more than studying, i din have a choice really, my dad got retrenched and i decided that i needed to support myself. well, after working for almost 2 years, i went back to skool and got my dip. and i've started work again.
throughout my WHOLE teenage life, i've been through hell's inferno and backagain. i was grounded from the age of 17-18. [beat that!] i couldn't use the home phone cos it was locked. hell, i couldn't even go downstairs.
then when i got a boyfriend, i did stoopid things and got ratted out by my youngest most precious-to-my-mom brother and after a discussion which has been claimed to be a miscommunication, i was kicked out of my house. yeap. after about a month, my sister thought it's been too long so i went back to my house with her [ the intention was to patch things up w my dad] only to find my room neatly packed up and ready for me to clear out. that's wen my dad found out wat happend and well, as they saying goes 'the rest is history'. i moved back a week later.
well, all i can say is that, i may be only 21... but... i've been there, done that, and i've seen it all.
my life, is a never ending rollercoaster. jus like every other person in this universe. or rather, every other black sheep in this universe.
now, i got a NEW and IMPROVED boyfriend. a NEW and IMPROVED family [or at least i'm letting myself believe it. THANK GOD FOR MY DAD!!] and i got a NEW and IMPROVED job. TADA!! a new and IMPROVED life. i guess things change when u start looking on the other side of the rainbow and stop dwelling in the storm. my dad was rite. POSITIVE thinking works! heh. i can't believe i just said that!!!!
ok... anyway, my point is, and i'm sure u noe it's for WHO, i've said it before and i'll say it again. "i've loved, hated and i'm still living with [my family]" smiling and being cheery doen't mean that's how i really feel inside. and, hey! i don't nag cos i want to prove something. i guess, i noe how it feels to be lonely in ur own house and think that everyone around u hates u. i noe u don't believe it's true. well, that's up to you aye?
12:39 am
