Saturday, October 27, 2007

..:: i got addicted. ::..

2:10 pm


..:: happy, happy thoughts. please? ::..


so we celebrated our 3rd year together last saturday by going house visiting. haha. cute rite?

first house we went to was Kak Aishah's house, khai's cousin. it was all the way in pasir ris can! so blardee far ok. and we couldn't find the dang house. i dun understand how they planned the blocks in that area. one side it's 100++ and the other is 500++! watdefung??

the great part about gng to her house was the food. really nice. i liked it. and i was freaking hungry too! haha. we bumped into his other cousin there too. gosh! i LOVE his daughter. so dang cute! so malu with khai! mentel! haha. simply adorable!

was chatting with kak aishah and happily eating kuih when suddenly she asked us the ultimate shocker question..."so when are you two getting hitched?"

tersedak aku sekejap! khai and i just laughed it off. hahahahahahha. -_-


after having our lunch and chit chatting session, we started on our next house. at BUKIT BATOK!!

we headed to mak itam's house, my dear auntie. as khai hates taking trains over long distances, we took a bus to yishun and from there took a train. when i called mak itam, her reaction was so cute...

me: mak itam?
mak itam: ah! saper tu??
me: sharmila.
mak itam: ah! datang lah!
me: err.. ok. sharmila datang nanti petang ok?
mak itam: ah! ia lah! kakak datang?
me: tak la mak itam.. dia keje..
mak itam: ah! ok la! datang lah!
me: ok... bye...
mak itam: ah! bye!


hahhaha. so farnie. she always tok to me like she's gonna scold me! hahaha. very cute... i find old people so cute la.. she's almost 80 and she's just too cute! hehehe. i tink she's gonna be 80.. pak itam was acting wit the oh so famous P. Ramlee when he was in his early twenties.. so they have to be almost 80 rite?? i dunno.. they're just really, REALLY old. i should really spend more time with them...

my uncle was so cute. making all those comments about how malay show now and then are so different. they waste alot of time on useless scences and they have to follow scripts so strictly unlike last time when they could just make up lines if they forgot. hahaha. he still can recite some of his lines from back then.. i am so proud to have some connection to him.. and this him is..



ehh....salah da.. nie ABANG sedara aku..

ah... ni lah pak cik aku...



sorry la.. i dun have any recent pics ler.. i din get to take pictures that day cos... got no battery.. hmph.

anyhoos, i had a nice time there. got to meet all my cousins. my nieces and nephews too [though most of them dunno who i am, and dun realize i'm their aunt!] were there too. i can't believe my nephew is 25!! he's OLDER than me!! dang. but he wasn't there. apparently he was in an accident the day before.. and what's more, he's khai's old friend too! haha. what a small world!

talking to my aunt and cousins was nice. though i made sure not to talk about my mum. i know that my aunt would shed a few tears if i did. i really want to spend more time with them.. but i'm afraid they'll not really like it much.. i mean.. after more than 10 years of not meeting them.. suddenly i want to be all family-ish again?


it's not like i knew where they were.. we lost contact after my mum passed away.. but we finally got reunited when fate let us meet again.. i still remember the time i met abg arif after so many years...

we were at geylang for the bazaar during fasting month and was about to enter the mrt station when i saw him and went up to him. he thought i was a fan! he didn't recognize me at all!!

me: abg arif!
him: hi,hi.. [waves and almost walks away]
me: abg arif tak kenal ke
him: er.. tak la...
me: sharmila la..
him: sharmila?? oh.. da besar la..
me: hehe. mestilah..


it was so nice bumping into him then. he was with his wife and kids. and when we parted, i heard him telling his wife that the last time we met, i barely reached his waist. hehe.

after spending quite awhile at her place, we headed to CCK to khai's aunt's house. met nenek after such a long while.. she's was so happy. so cute. she always makes me feel so much better everytime i see her...

my intention was to visit nenek and mak besar.. afterwhich, we were to go to khai's uncles house with rizam, khai's kid cousin. so after having a few kuih's.. rizam was ready to go to the next house.

by this time.. i was super stuffed.. BUT i still had a little space for food and how lucky was i! his uncle's wife cooked rawon!! my favourite indonesian dish!! *slurps* sedap giler!!! i had TWO helpings ok!! i after that.. i could barely move! hahaha.

hung out a while then headed back to khai's place.. by then it was already 1+am... waited for NR3 to start so i could go home.. but i was too tired and ended up taking a cab home! what a doink.

all in all, i had a blast. and i was a great way to celebrate our 3 years together as well...

iloveyou.
always.
eventhoughihateyousometimes.
youalwaysmakemesmileintheend.
thankyouforbeingthereformeallthetime.
andforgivemeforiknowihavehurtyouso.
pleasesavemesoon.

sorry for the wordyness..no pictures la...



and this...this is just for laughs.. my most favourite...

12:44 am


Thursday, October 25, 2007

..:: all good things must come to an end ::..

haha. this is hilarious.

so i promised to wake up early on sunday to help my mother cook cause my aunts were coming for lunch. i didn't cos i was SO tired from working late everynight and partying with my colleagues cos a colleague of ours who had been transfered to Australia was back for Raya. i also went out visiting with khai on saturday and only got back at about 1.30am. so you can imagine how tired i was!

the thing is, my mom won't talk to me now cos i didnt wake up to help her. i CAN'T believe it!! since sunday can!

i can understand if she's upset and i let her do EVERYTHING on her own. but she didn't. you see, aunty zan was around cos she slept over the night before, and so she helped my mom. and there was the maid though i think she was more busy cleaning up the house..

i DID wake up, but i thought since aunty zan was around there wasn't a need for me to help. i'd be more in the way rather than helping anyway.. and besides, i had to go to work that day too and i really didn't want to have to start the day with my mom screaming at me for cutting the chilli too fine and being in the way.

and now, she won't talk to me.. she won't even LOOK at me! GAWD! it annoys me!!

bleargh!

i don't get it. i really don't get it. at least if MY mum was around, she would have at least SCREAMED at me!

my friends, they're lucky. if their mum is mad at them, they can just try to manja2 with their mums or just help out a bit and then their mum would know they feel bad and would just let it go....

for me... i'm not that close... our connection isn't there... it's like chips more cookies.. now you see it, now you don't! haha. it's true.

my brother always told me that my mum used to tell them that it'll be different when she's gone and we get a step-mom... she was right...

the bond isn't there....

i know, all i need to say is sorry.... it's not easy... trust me...

sometimes.. i feel like i've grown up TOO fast... i had to be an adult when i was still a kid.. i had to be independant when everyone else could be dependant..

i had to heal myself..and heal everyone else...

i had to be strong.. when all i wanted to do was cry...

and now when i do start to let myself cry.. they say i'm a cry baby.. that my tears are fake.. that all i want is sympathy... sheesh, some people even say that i'm spoilt!

oh! the horror!

i hate it when all this shit happens..

ARGH!!!!!!!!!

i know that there will be people who read this and go "woah. i din noe that." i hope that you will let it be and just let it be you who know and no one else... i need to let this out.. so please let me...

...why did you take her away from me so early... why didn't you let me grow up with her.. why have you allowed me to forget everything.. why have you allowed me to forget her voice..her touch.. her laughter.. her tenderness... her everything.. i want to remember.. but i can't.. why have you made it all go away.. i want to remember everything.. i want to remember how she used to call my name.. all i can do now is look at photographs.. i can't even ask about her cause i'll just make everyone cry.... i have no way of remembering her.. no one wants to talk about her much.. i just want to have that great mother-daughter connection that everyone else has.. have i really done that many bad things in life that i can't even get that....

i'm tired of having to be older than i really am.. i tired of having to think about other people's feelings when they don't give two hoots about mine.. i'm tired of always having to give in... like sis always asks me..

"Why do YOU always have to be so nice??"

cos my dad has gone thru too much for me.. and all i want is for him to be happy...

i wish i could live with sis.. but i can't bear to leave my dad alone... he's all i've got.. and i need him.. God, please keep him alive... let me at least have him... i need him..

i've already been steppedtrampled on... emotionaly and mentally abused...

please save me baby.. it kills me more each time..

told you it was hilarious.. how a simple thing like not waking up to help someone cook can lead to a big thing like this.. it's always the simplest things that can make someone feel so small and worthless.. funny isn't it?

treasure your loved ones.
respect your elders.
cherish every second of life, together.
cos when it's gone...there's no way to get it back...

sheesh. what a drama-mama i've become!

[she's coming back again.]

oh. hari raya was a blast. and it ended early for me.

i'm sorry, but i have no intention of blogging about it now.. maybe later.. when it's gone all stale.. heh.

10:11 pm