..:: i still love you. ::..
today started out full of pain!
i made it a point to head to the dentist today as i've been having the most horrible pain you could only imagine!! i'd been puting off the appointment for the longest time and on Monday, it was bad.. it was just so sudden. almost halfway thru the day, my tooth ached. yikes. and i decided that today would be a good day to go. i don't want to suffer during hari raya not being able to eat all those lovely kuehs! hahaha.
gosh. i should have gone WAY earlier... my teeth are in really bad condition. i had to do fillings for my wisdom tooth! both the bottom right AND left! after that, it was throbbing for 3 hours!! unbearable ok! sheesh. at least the dentist was nice though. i'm sure he wanted to scold me for not taking proper care of my teeth, but my mom called before i went, to tell him to be nice. what a wimp aye? hahaha. i'm totally terrified of visiting the DENTIST!!
anyhoos, i have to extract my top wisdom tooth too. both of them! yikes! i'm petrified. i dread the day it will be done. and i'll get 5 days MC...for EACH tooth! yikes. it's a sure sign that it's gonna hurt like hell!!
the rest of the day was great. immediately after the filling i took painkillers [which meant i had to waste my fast... bleargh]. it gave me such a high. i felt totally ill then. it was a mixture of feelng pain and at the same time high! i waited for my bestie to arrive [who was half an hour late, by the way] and my stoopid creative zen refused to cooperate with me! so i sat there music-less. total sadness.
she arrived looking skinnier as ever. babe, you HAVE to start eating.. we really should exchange appetites!! hahahaha.
we then made our way to tekka to have dinner at sri kamala's where we would be joined by our darling drea. we were supposed to go there for iftar but none of us were fasting today so it was more of a dinner.. haha. same difference though. nyeh. updated each other on what's been happeing to our lives. it's been quite a while since we last had a good meet up. i miss hanging out with my girls!!
after dinner, we headed to 'my secret garden' situated along middle road [it's behind nafa]. i've never been there as it always seemed quite spooky to me.. but i was pleasantly surprised by it's cosy atmosphere. simply gorgeous. the desert was superb! reasonably priced too! i highly recommend you head there. it was suggested by drea to head there cos she frequents there with her mr lee. very romantic ambience. i loike. [thanks eh nya!]
as usual, we had our bitchy mode switched on FULL mode! haha. talked about the people whom which i felt was a waste of time. haha. discussed on the things we always do.
relationship(s).
work.
holidaying.
men.
health.
what to wear to work tomorrow. [hahaha. thanks again eh nya!]
i tink right now, i'm just confused and feeling bored. i know though, that it is meant to be. i know that deep down inside, the flame is still there.. it's flickering.. but it's still there.. i guess you need to ~relight my fire...you're love is my only desire!~ heh.
i'm not being soft hearted. neither am i being kind.
i'm being me.
wanting him.
feeling him.
missing him.
LOVING him.
maybe it's not just nur that needs that re-sparkling again. maybe i need it too. maybe it's the fact that i've shifted into that 'comfort' mode. maybe it's what happens after 3 years. maybe...
i'm extremely confused. i miss you when you're not around. i hate it when you smoother me. i love it when we talk all night. i've got a problem. i need to solve it.
if the alignment is abit screwy, i do apologise. i dunno what is wrong with this. haha.
i miss my boyfriend. i really do.
she's creeping out from underneath me again. yearning to escape. i need to fight. i need to keep her locked up. will i be strong enough this time. i fought her before. i think she's gotten stronger. could it be heredity? i need her to go away for good. i need her to stop. will you still love me when i'm her? what's wrong with me? i should be happy.. shouldn't i? there's nothing wrong with my life now.. why does she want to come back? i need her to stay where she is. i don't want her.. yet i know she's already peeking through. i need to fight her.. but i'm too tired. please help me. i need YOU to help me. please....
Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depression)
Another type of depression is bipolar disorder, which was formerly called manic-depressive illness or manic depression. This condition shows a particular pattern of inheritance. Not nearly as common as the other types of depressive disorders, bipolar disorder involves cycles of depression and mania, or elation. Bipolar disorder is often a chronic, recurring condition. Sometimes, the mood switches are dramatic and rapid, but most often they are gradual.
When in the depressed cycle, the person can experience any or all of the symptoms of a depressive disorder. When in the manic cycle, any or all of the symptoms listed under mania may be experienced. Mania often affects thinking, judgment, and social behavior in ways that cause serious problems and embarrassment. For example, unwise business or financial decisions may be made when an individual is in a manic phase.
A significant variant of bipolar disorder is designated as bipolar II. (The usual form of bipolar disorder is referred to as bipolar I.) Bipolar II is a syndrome in which the affected person has repeated depressive episodes punctuated by what is called hypomania (mini-highs). These euphoric states in bipolar II do not fully meet the criteria for the complete manic episodes that occur in bipolar I. For more information about this condition, please read the Bipolar Disorder article.
Symptoms of depression and mania Not everyone who is depressed or manic experiences every symptom. Some people experience a few symptoms and some many symptoms. The severity of symptoms also varies with individuals.
Depression symptoms of manic depression
Persistently sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
Decreased appetite and/or weight loss, or overeating and weight gain
Fatigue, decreased energy, being "slowed down"
Thoughts of death or suicide, suicide attempts
Restlessness, irritability
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain
Mania symptoms of manic depression
Inappropriate elation
Inappropriate irritability
Severe insomnia
Grandiose notions
Increased talking speed and/or volume
Disconnected and racing thoughts
Increased sexual desire
Markedly increased energy
Poor judgment
Inappropriate social behavior
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