..:: dreams, dreams... ::..
i'm sorry.
i lied...
to my heart..for telling it it's not aching.
to my mind...for telling it i'm fine.
to everyone...for telling them i'm ok.
it finally sank in. the crash i heard last nite was my heart dropping to my feet and breaking into a million pieces. and....
i'm lonely again.
why hasnt' he called? why hasn't he msged me? why???
it took me a month to fall in love... and a week for my heart to break....
and i'm to blame for it all....
this isn't t the way it should be. it was supposed to be a wake up call. it was supposed to be a realization for him.
it wasn't supposed to be me feeling guilty. it wasn't supposed to be me feeling worried about him finding someone else. it wasn't supposed to be hurting like this...
and i miss him.
you were supposed to stop me from taking my things back.. but you didn't even reply to my msg telling i'll be collecting everything on saturday.
you were supposed to call me and try to talk to me. you were supposed to msg me and try to win my heart back again. but you chose to remain silent.
you were supposed to understand what i'm trying to do. you were supposed to know that what i'm doing will benefit US. but you chose to get upset about it.
you think i don't understand your passion. you think i don't understand your situation. you think i don't understand you. but it's you who doesn't understand me.
it sucks when you realize that it all boils down to the thing we thought would never affect our relationship. but like i've mentioned before... money is the root of all evil. no matter how you try to avoid it.. no matter how much you tell yourself it's not going to be a huge factor.. it will because life depends on it.
food.house.life.
and yes, even love.
tell me honestly that money hasn't been a huge burden to our relationship.
tell me honestly that your
constantperpetual lateness hasn't always been a main cause of fights.
tell me honestly that your job-hopping hasn't taken a toll on us.
and i'll apologise from the bottom of my
heartass for having us go through this.
how can you honestly say that you were the one hurt? how could you turn around and make it my fault? why is it always my fault that we quarrel? why is it always me who has to give in? why is it always me that has to be the one to make things better? why do I have to accept things as it happens? why am I the only who works for the future? why is it me that's at fault...and you that is hurt?
2:52 am
..:: u got a problem?? ::..
she says what she wants. she does what she wants. she sings what she feels.
lily allen rocks.
and she's born just slightly less than a month after me! ;)
i fell in love with her the first time i saw her on MTV. haha. and all her songs a GREAT!!
today is my off day and i'll be heading to the office in an hour. workaholic. evenmore so now since i have nothing else to do... haiz.
today is Su's last day at werk and we're all meeting up at ten mile junction for a farewell dinner. weeee!! i can't wait to see her!! so long since i last saw her. see, she works at the warehouse in Benoi.. so we hardly ever meet! so sad right. but everyday we tok on the phone. hehehe.
she's leaving cos she's very tired. she's expecting her 2nd child and working at the warehouse is too tiring for her. so she'll be staying home from tomorrow onwards till after the baby is out.
lucky thing she can afford to stay home. imagine if she couldn't afford to stay home and had to work. she's really petite so her pregnancy is tiring for her. she gets breathless easily.
ok, so i'm gonna get ready now.
blog again tonight?
p.s.: i'm ok now. thanks all!! really appreciate all your kind words!! i'm looking forward to finding out if this will turn out well!! and i know that it will!! i have faith that he will change for the better!!!
i love you all for all the support!!!
xoxoxox
2:18 pm
..:: for you. ::..
Wakin' up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had it’s say
I guess I feel alright
But it hurts when I think,
when I let it sink in
It’s all over me
I'm lying here, in the dark
I’m watchin' you sleep, it hurts a lot
And all I know is
You’ve got to give me everything
And nothing less 'cause
You know I’d give you all of me
I’d give you everything that I am
I’m handin over everything that I’ve got
'Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don’t ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up 'til four in the morning and the tears are pouring
And I wanna make it worth the fight
But what have we been doing for all this time
Baby if we’re gonna do it come and do it right
All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don’t wanna lose the love I found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don’t let me down
It’s not fair, how you are
I can’t be complete, can you give me more?
And all I know is
You’ve got to give me everything
And nothing less 'cause
You know I’d give you all of me
I’d give you everything that I am
I’m handin over everything that I’ve got
'Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don’t ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up 'til four in the morning and the tears are pouring
And I wanna make it worth the fight
But what have we been doing for all this time
Baby if we’re gonna do it come and do it right
Oh please, you know what I need (You know what I need)
Save all your lovin for me
We can’t escape the love
Give me everything that you have
And all I know is
You’ve got to give me everything
And nothing less 'cause
You know I’d give you all of me
I’d give you everything that I am
I’m handin over everything that I’ve got
'Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don’t ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up 'til four in the morning and the tears are pouring
And I wanna make it worth the fight
But what have we been doing for all this time
Baby if we’re gonna do it come and do it right
11:33 pm
..:: is it just a memory? ::..
went for khai's cousin's wedding.
she was gorgeous. took picture with her. will ask daya to send me the pic.
didn't talk to him at all. couldn't even look at him.
i miss him alot. but i have to do this. it's the only way to show him that he should have done something way before. he should have had more of a sense of responsibility.
i may not have told you, but when i think of the future...i don't get that sense of security.
i need to know that you can take care of me...and not me take care of you. don't get me wrong, of course we have to take care of each other...what i mean is.. it should be YOU taking care of us... and not me taking care of US.
it didn't help that they kept playing all those songs... practically had to hold back my tears the whole time there. and with mak talking to me.. i just lost it when i was leaving... she kept asking me to think things thru and to get back together.... i just can't right now... and i walked off crying... thank God no one saw me..
i really love him. but......
i hope you understand.
5:04 pm
