..:: money, money, money!! ::..
just a few more days to pay day. i can't wait to see what is my salary this month!! weee!! every month is surprise for me! though not every month is as great as the previous... but this month... this month is special.. this month, i'll see a NEW figure! yeap! i got a raise! ALHAMDULILLAH![i vaguely remember mentioning it in an earlier post...] and i have no idea how much! so yeah, IT'S A SURPRISE!!
i think next month, i wane go music shopping!! hehehe. i want to get the new album by Gwen Stefani, and The Eraser by Thom Yorke, and the LATEST album by Interpol!!! wooHoo!! can't wait to get my hands on them all!!
and did you know that "
THAT CD SHOP" sells locally produced albums at only
$11!! and it's THAT cheap cos it doesn't come with lyrics! but who needs lyrics anyways? it's all on the net anyway.. so yeah! wooHoo!!
i feel like eating chocolate chip cookies!! i guess i'll be baking this weekend. daym. then i'll need to buy the ingredients. as if i have the time to go! by the time i get back, the stores closed! hmph. guess i'll have to ask my daddy dearest to buy the stuff for me! hahaha. now where did i save the list ingredients... must search!
on another note, i have no idea WHAT did I do now, but my mom is having one of those "mood swings" again! i have no clue why she's behaving the way she does. sheesh. she really needs a chill pill. just because i didn't put my clothes in the washing machine! well, all i noe is that my mind has been set that my clothes don't mix with the rest, so it's kinda hard to change it... and daym, just because you yelled at the maid then felt guilty doesn't mean you can turn around and blame me for YOU losing YOUR temper at her. pfft.
ok, i think i should just let it pass. i mean, i can't blame her. she's most prolly upset that her whole family is in m'sia and she's the only one in SG. so i guess this is her way of handling it.
lets just hope that there's not gonna be another drama! i don't think i will be able to take it this time. i've kept my mouth shut everytime she starts giving me lectures. and why does she always have to tell me off when my dad is not around anyway?? and the moment he steps in, she just acts as though nothing has happened. and i of course won't say anything cos i don't want my dad to have so much to think about.
ok, ok, i should stop. just because she told me off about not keeping my stuff the way it should be kept and for not throwing my clothes into the washing machine doesn't entitle me to be a bitch and make a big fuss about it. oh, and she's telling me to be nice to the maid? i give the maid the LEAST things to do. and i hardly speak to the maid since i'm hardly home anyway.
ok, ok. i should really stop. i could just go on and on about this.
just pray for me that there won't be another drama in this house again. i'm tired of it. and i don't think i'll be able it handle it as i always do.
my mom isn't THAT bad... it's just when she gets her mood swings and shows how much she doesn't like me. that's when it hurts the most. as much as she may think that it's subtle, it's not. i can tell by the way she holds out her hand for me to salam. by the way she answers my questions when i'm trying to start a conversation. by the way she looks at me as though i'm sprouting horns outta my head. and what hurts the most is that i don even noe what did i do.
you can't blame me for being upset that you told me off because i didn't keep my make up back where it's supposed to be. it's not like it was lying on the floor. and it was on my table. quite nicely placed. and the clothes, like i said. it's a habit i have to pick up you know. you can't expect me to change a routine i've been following for the past 5 years overnight right? i'm sorry but you gotta take it easy. ever tried looking at things from my point of view?
i do. i always give the benefit of the doubt. maybe she had a bad day. maybe she's stressed with work. maybe she's just not in the mood. i always think about why you act the way you do, and i just let whatever happened pass.
for me, it's ok if you don't like me. i'm not your blood anyway. it would be nice if you would be sincere.
i guess if my mum was still around we'd have the normal mother-daughter squabbles. but that would be different right? cos she's your mom. right? you wouldn't think that she hates you or wishes you would leave, right? i really dunno how it feels to quarrel with your mum.
does it make you feel singled out?
does it make you feel so small that it's as if you don't exist?
does it make you feel so unloved?
how is it supposed to feel?i'm sorry. i always get this way when
these things happen.
i can never figure out what am i supposed to do.
12:19 am
