..:: all good things must come to an end ::..
haha. this is hilarious.
so i promised to wake up early on sunday to help my mother cook cause my aunts were coming for lunch. i didn't cos i was SO tired from working late everynight and partying with my colleagues cos a colleague of ours who had been transfered to Australia was back for Raya. i also went out visiting with khai on saturday and only got back at about 1.30am. so you can imagine how tired i was!
the thing is, my mom won't talk to me now cos i didnt wake up to help her. i CAN'T believe it!! since sunday can!
i can understand if she's upset and i let her do EVERYTHING on her own. but she didn't. you see, aunty zan was around cos she slept over the night before, and so she helped my mom. and there was the maid though i think she was more busy cleaning up the house..
i DID wake up, but i thought since aunty zan was around there wasn't a need for me to help. i'd be more in the way rather than helping anyway.. and besides, i had to go to work that day too and i really didn't want to have to start the day with my mom screaming at me for cutting the chilli too fine and being in the way.
and now, she won't talk to me.. she won't even LOOK at me! GAWD! it annoys me!!
bleargh!
i don't get it. i really don't get it. at least if MY mum was around, she would have at least SCREAMED at me!
my friends, they're lucky. if their mum is mad at them, they can just try to manja2 with their mums or just help out a bit and then their mum would know they feel bad and would just let it go....
for me... i'm not that close... our connection isn't there... it's like chips more cookies.. now you see it, now you don't! haha. it's true.
my brother always told me that my mum used to tell them that it'll be different when she's gone and we get a step-mom... she was right...
the bond isn't there....
i know, all i need to say is sorry.... it's not easy... trust me...
sometimes.. i feel like i've grown up TOO fast... i had to be an adult when i was still a kid.. i had to be independant when everyone else could be dependant..
i had to heal myself..and heal everyone else...
i had to be strong.. when all i wanted to do was cry...
and now when i do start to let myself cry.. they say i'm a cry baby.. that my tears are fake.. that all i want is sympathy... sheesh, some people even say that i'm spoilt!
oh! the horror!
i hate it when all this shit happens..
ARGH!!!!!!!!!
i know that there will be people who read this and go "woah. i din noe that." i hope that you will let it be and just let it be you who know and no one else... i need to let this out.. so please let me...
...why did you take her away from me so early... why didn't you let me grow up with her.. why have you allowed me to forget everything.. why have you allowed me to forget her voice..her touch.. her laughter.. her tenderness... her everything.. i want to remember.. but i can't.. why have you made it all go away.. i want to remember everything.. i want to remember how she used to call my name.. all i can do now is look at photographs.. i can't even ask about her cause i'll just make everyone cry.... i have no way of remembering her.. no one wants to talk about her much.. i just want to have that great mother-daughter connection that everyone else has.. have i really done that many bad things in life that i can't even get that....i'm tired of having to be older than i really am.. i tired of having to think about other people's feelings when they don't give two hoots about mine.. i'm tired of always having to give in... like sis always asks me..
"Why do YOU always have to be so nice??"
cos my dad has gone thru too much for me.. and all i want is for him to be happy...
i wish i could live with sis.. but i can't bear to leave my dad alone... he's all i've got.. and i need him.. God, please keep him alive... let me at least have him... i need him..
i've already been
steppedtrampled on... emotionaly and mentally abused...
please save me baby.. it kills me more each time..told you it was hilarious.. how a simple thing like not waking up to help someone cook can lead to a big thing like this.. it's always the simplest things that can make someone feel so small and worthless.. funny isn't it?
treasure your loved ones.
respect your elders.
cherish every second of life, together.
cos when it's gone...there's no way to get it back...
sheesh. what a drama-mama i've become!
[she's coming back again.]oh. hari raya was a blast. and it ended early for me.
i'm sorry, but i have no intention of blogging about it now.. maybe later.. when it's gone all stale.. heh.
10:11 pm
